Thor: The Dark World, a review that is not a review

$31.6 million on friday (according to EW), not bad but not too great according to predictions either and i have to say mine, a few considerations.

Be advised this is NOT a review, this is a whole bunch of SPOILER, be alerted.

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1. Thor poor thing is dumb as a nail.. hammer (love of puns never abandons me, they’re bad i know)

2. Everything, just about everything you that appears on screen has a purpose, which is dumbing down every plot twist there might have been further on in the movie: examples, Loki shapeshifting.. going on to point 3 for more.

3. Did you try to pull an Ocean’s 11 on us, you screenwriters I’m talking to you. The plotting montage of Thor and Co. around a table vs scenes of actually doing it. That’s only allowed on Ocean’s-es and, occasionally, on TV. And nonetheless you try it with the God of Mischief in your midst, you fools!

4. They even tried to pull a Joss Whedon, but guys you’re not him, i know it’s hard to pick up any Avenger after Him but come on, killing the mom? And Loki, like anyone would believe THAT.

4b. He’s the God of Mischief! He had previously in the film shapeshifted for no reason other than comic relief, what did you think would happen? Seriously.

Highlights, what’s good:

NOT Christopher Eccleston.

Thor and Loki bickering, genuine fun.

The fact that the objective of this film was to remystify the myth that swedish people go around naked all the time. It’s not racist, they do apparently, Stellan Skarsgård is amazing like never before as Dr. Erik Selvig.

Fun, fun, fun. The Funny bits are even better than the big fights and all.

Excusable plot holes due to fact that the movie is about worlds aligning which created wormholes or something and people and things can appear and disappear from here to there.. where the hell is Sheldon when you need him! Or, i don’t know, S.H.I.E.L.D., Tony Stark? Banner? Anyone who don’t run around Stonehenge buttnaked and ends up in a mental hospital? Anyone?

Truth be told i actually liked the sweetyness between bros, even if (as i said before) it was evidently fake: God of Mischieeef people!

Natalie Portman is useless: this is not really a high note but it needs to be noted.

And finally: why on earth or any other planet would you leave one of the most powerful things ever ever in the hands of a blonde Benicio Del Toro made up like that. (see Everything You Need to Know About Thor: The Dark World’s End Credits Scene).

Finally part two: a movie about Loki NEEDs to happen. Period.

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